14 December 2008
i am sleepless every night. thinking how i can change my lifestyle. i am hopeless at times. i dont really have a friend to talk to, to share my problems with. im in a depressed mood and i cant seem to find a solution to solve my problems. i dont have the guts to face the real world, and i ended up always a loser. i aint no interesting to people. people fine me, weird somehow. but i tried the best i could. maybe not my best, but atleast ive tried. ive tried so hard to make people around me, proud of me but it just doesnt seem to work. my parents, my siblings, and obviously my love. my parents. they always look down on me, i cant do this, i cant do that, coz im not clever enough. im not like my brother and my sister. they have been criticised about my life, whom i friends with, the way i dressed, my physical appearance. but i just want to be me. just me. i have my dreams, and i want to achieve it but i just dont know how. before, i always depend on people on my own happiness. but people dont give us happiness, right? and some people just did the same old thing to me. and now i have realised, we develop our own happiness. in any how, i dont think im happy enough. i tried, not to think about my sadness and my dark side. but its all stuck in my head. theres so many things inside my mind, and i just cant have a beautiful life. and most of all, i dont want to get hurt again. sayang, i just cant stand about ur UFO'S AND UR BINTANG! i dont care if u say its nothing its nothing. but u keep on saying it with ur UFO, and it keeps on hurting and hurting me. im still curious about u both. and u with ur scandalous relationship..i dont know. i told u, about how i felt last nite, about friends turn back on me, and u said something that really2 hurts. i cried all night, and i wonder. u, with ur super friends, here and there, and put me behind them. why am i being treated like this? coz im a loser? i love u too much nazura syafiqah. im being honest and i love u sincerely with all my heart. u told me before, u dont want me, like this. but mama asked me not to. dont cut ur hair, dont cut ur hair. but u, u want mr notty back. how must i deal with it? its super hard. i dont want to break ur heart neither mama's heart. i still, keep on thinking. i just want u nazura, please, here my heart screaming for u.